isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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