Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
