there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
