He uses pillows to masturbate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
