so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
