he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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