Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
