I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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