Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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