I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
