There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
