honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
