You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found puke in my bra..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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