Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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