You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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