i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
