I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
