That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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