It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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