Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
