I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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