Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
