Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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