apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
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