i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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