My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
