He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize