what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
