he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
