i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
