There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
