I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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