Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
