What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
