At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
