YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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