why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
