Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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