my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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