i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
