woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
