fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
