he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
