I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
