so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
