I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
