Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
