I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
