So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
