i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
