I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
