I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just invented taco cereal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
