god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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