this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
