I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
