Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
