Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
