I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
