I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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