You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
