your room smells of hookers.
And success
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
