How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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