I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
