Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
