Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
