Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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