You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
