Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
