Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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