i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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