I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
