Whod you bang
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
