I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this hospital has no fireball
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
